I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
