your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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