do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
