Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize