omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
