We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
