Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
