Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
