I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
