So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
