So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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