So drunk its hurt
wrigley field is MILF paradise
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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