Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
