i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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