Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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