mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.