i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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