there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much