either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
