What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
