Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How external is "for external use only"?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
