I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
