I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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