You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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