it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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