i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
