How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
