im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
