Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
