There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
