Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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