Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
