Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
