you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
