so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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