awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
