You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
