You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We are two peas in an std pod
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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