also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
