When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
