Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
