i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
