1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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