last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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