I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
