I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just pynch a tree in the face
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
