my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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