dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
