you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
