hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
