You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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