K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
