I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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