I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
