Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
