No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
