I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
