Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
