just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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