I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
