If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
