did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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