just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
