Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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