Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize