Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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