When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
